When my children were little I distinctly recall the first time that they called me Denise, after repeating MOM multiple times, to no avail. My head snapped around and I paid attention and very quickly. Why? Because I was brought up in a household where using first names for a parent, was a sign of disrespect. It took me off guard to say the least, but it did get me to notice and pay attention. Needless to say it was a brilliant technique used by all the children when I was unable to hear, literally hear them calling MOM.....MOM......MOM! I think sometimes we just block out the calls because when the children are smaller they overuse it. Who is with me on that one?
Is there a moment in your life as a Mom when you recall something that was so embedded in you from your days as a child, that had a bit of a sting to it when it happened to you as a Mom?
Do you recall having conversations with friends over the years, talking about the "things" that your Mom did that you swore on your life that you would never do to your children. Are there moments in time that you wish you could change, and have a do-over? Are the instances you are thinking of more traumatic to you, than they are for them? It maybe worth having a conversation with your adult child to see and understand their reality from the experience. Here is one of my learnings from an experience of over 28 years ago.
I recall a time where our 2 year, who LOVED the computer, refused to leave the computer and subsequently had an accident on the chair. I got very angry and sent her to her room and gave her a spanking for soiling our chair. I still to this day, regret letting my anger get the best of me. We have talked about it and she says she doesn't even really remember it. It was the only time I ever laid a hand on any of our children as it was never something that sat well with me, ever. Having talked about it with her, and knowing that it isn't a situation that traumatized her like it did me is reassuring; however, it is still very much part of my memory bank.
What child rearing practice or event do you wish you could have changed, looking back at them now? What child rearing practice or event do you wish you could have as a do-over as a Mom? Have you asked your adult children how they feel now about the moment? Do they recall it?
Being a Mom has its ups and downs and we all go through moments that we wish we could reverse, change and/or make better. It is important to understand that you can make changes, you don't have to hold onto the less than stellar moments. Don't let the less then perfect moments define you as a Mom. Step back and look at the bigger picture, observe what has happened, what success has occurred and give yourself a hug and pat on the back.
Congratulations Mom, you have raised your children into adults. Now watch and see how your love, hard work, and unconditional support goes forth in the world!